Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
photo taken in the woods behind my house (c) jj
DEATH, it's what I am dealing with:
maybe you are too, or maybe not, but this is what I need to post today:
Last night I saw a great Kevin Spacey movie, The Life of David Gale. The movie reminded me of the five stages of death and how destructive 'fantasy' can be...
From WIKI
Kübler-Ross model
Stages
- Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death.[1] - Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.[1] - Bargaining — "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..."[1] - Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect oneself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.[1] - Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the death that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle.[1]
Significantly, people experiencing the stages should not force the process. The grief process is highly personal and should not be rushed, nor lengthened, on the basis of an individual's imposed time frame or opinion. One should merely be aware that the stages will be worked through and the ultimate stage of "Acceptance" will be reached.
However, there are individuals that struggle with death until the end. Some psychologists believe that the harder a person fights death, the more likely they are to stay in the denial stage. If this is the case, it is possible the ill person will have more difficulty dying in a dignified way. Other psychologists state that not confronting death until the end is adaptive for some people.[1] Those who experience problems working through the stages should consider professional grief counseling or support groups.
[edit] Cultural relevance
A dying individual's approach to death has been linked to the amount of meaning and purpose a person has found throughout their lifetime. A study of 160 people with less than three months to live showed that those who felt they understood their purpose in life, or found special meaning, faced less fear and despair, in the final weeks of their lives than those who had not. In this and similar studies, spirituality helped dying individuals deal with the depression stage more aggressively than those who were not spiritual. [1][edit] Criticism
According to George Bonanno[2], professor of clinical psychology of Columbia University, in his book "The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After a Loss," based on two decades of rigorous scientific studies that follow people who have suffered losses in the U.S. and in other cultures, there is no evidence to support the Kübler-Ross theory[3]A 2000-2003 study of bereaved individuals conducted by Yale University obtained some findings that were consistent with the five-stage theory and others that were inconsistent with it. Several letters were also published in the same journal criticizing this research and arguing against the stage idea. [4] Skeptic Magazine published the findings of the Grief Recovery Institute, which contested the concept of stages of grief as they relate to people who are dealing with the deaths of people important to them.[5]
Thursday, September 24, 2009
20 Ways to Make Today Special
from: Magical Childhood
20 Ways to Make Today Special
How many individual days do you remember from your childhood? How many were magical? Here's some things to try that your children will carry with them. And hopefully make you smile a little too...
- Leave a secret "I love you" message hidden in a lunch box, painted on their pancakes or tucked into their shoes. Better yet, leave a dozen.
- Fake a doctor's appointment. If you have kids in school, let them (and the school) think they have to get out of school for an appointment. Pick them up and take them to a picnic in the park instead (or whatever you'd both enjoy).
- Have a tacky fashion show. Get together the loudest clothes you can find and give out awards for the worst entries. Eat supper in costume.
- Write a letter telling your beloved(s) how much you love them, and why. Be specific.
- Square dance. In the living room. Grown ups too. Make it up if you don't know how.
- Tell your kids their birth stories. Add the little details and tell them if you cried or daddy wouldn't let them go.
- Serve meals out of order. Have lunch for breakfast, desert for lunch, etc.
- Eat it with the wrong utensils and be artistic with it. Pipe tartar sauce haikus across the fish sticks and then scramble them to make new poems. You get the idea.
- Crawl under the table with your little one. Do at least three different normal activities under there (reading books, brushing teeth, snack time...)
- Get together a pile of your children's artwork and take the kids to a senior citizen center. Pass out the art and spend time with the residents. Let your kids know how happy they made people.
- Give your child a disposable camera and tell her to record all her favorite parts of her life with the photos.
- Go for a long walk and just talk.
- Play truth or dare.
- Have a campout in the living room. Roast marshmallows over candles and tell ghost stories by flashlight.
- If you have access to a camcorder, record at least an hour of silliness. Add some sentiment too, having everybody tell things they're thankful for, what they've loved about this year, and things they love about each other. Close with more silliness.
- Help them decorate their rooms with glow-in-the-dark stars, bugs or images. Better yet, get GITD paint and they can paint their own.
- Go on a road trip for the day, anywhere you've never been.
- Write a silly poem or story just for him. Make him the hero and fill it with stuff he loves.
- After dark, go look at the stars together.
20. Spend the whole day saying "mommy (or daddy) loves you." Say it so much you're annoying and strange! At the end of the night, tiptoe in and whisper it to them as they sleep. Fill them up with how loved they are, and tiptoe out.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Ruby Louise Nelson Honea (b. July 20, 1934-d. September 9, 2009)
Mrs. Ruby Louise Nelson Honea, known as "Lou or Louise" to some and to others as 'Ruby Lou' was born at home on Old Hinkleville Rd. in Lamont, Ky (West Paducah) on 07-20-34, and died at home at 9710 Old Hinkleville Rd on 09-09-09. She was 75 years old.
She was preceded in death by her parents, Mr. Jesse Fields Nelson, Jr. and Mrs. Margaret Belle (Hester) Nelson of Lamont, and by her husband, Mr. Boyd Honea of Ruby, Alaska. She is survived by her Aunts and Uncles, Mr. and Mrs. Haven Kelley of Phoenix, Arizona, and Mr. and Mrs. Robert Nelson of Valdosta, Georgia; her sister, Judy Kinsey, her son, Michael Stowe, her daughter, Joy Holmes, four grand children: Jessica Leatherman, John Knight, Aaron Knight, and Paula Vines, three great grandchildren, Ian Leatherman, Tanner Leatherman, and Paige Knight, several loved nieces, nephews, and cousins.
Ruby Louise's education began in a one room school house. She was a member of the Heath High School class of 1952. Ruby Lou's great life work was dedicated to service in the field of drug and alcohol rehabilitation. After gaining her sobriety through working the twelve step program of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) she received education to become a substance abuse counselor in Seattle, WA and Anchorage, AK. For the majority of her career, she was a counselor in Fairbanks, Alaska, working primarily with Native Americans. After moving back home, she received her associate's degree from Paducah Community College in 1991 and taught DUI education in Paducah, KY. This year in November, Ruby Louise would have celebrated her AA Birthday with 39 years of sobriety.
In her own words, God gave her a gift: "the ability to speak from the heart to Alcoholics'. Her message to alcoholics and addicts was, "God Loves you, I love you, now love yourself, Don't drink and Go to meetings, What you receive, give away, I'll walk with you until you can walk by yourself." She was able to share her story with many and aid in their recovery. She always ended her story with the verse that she received on her very first Valentine. It said just what she felt about the members in AA and alcoholics and addicts everywhere:
If Love could be tied into little bouquets
Then you would have corsages the rest of your days
and you couldn't tell the corsages apart
Because they all would be tied to the strings of my heart
A memorial service will be held at 3:00 pm at McKendree United Methodist Church. Brother Bill Miller and Howard Pulley will be officiating. Visitation will be prior to the memorial service at 2:00 pm and after the service in the fellowship hall. To honor the life of Ruby Louise Nelson Honea, donations may be made to McKendree Church in her name or condolences may be sent to 9710 Old Hinkleville Rd., Kevil, KY 42053. Then you would have corsages the rest of your days
and you couldn't tell the corsages apart
Because they all would be tied to the strings of my heart
Thursday, August 27, 2009
In the End, We are all light, (alright-allight)
At The End of this Journey in Life: A Spanish Spiritual Lesson
music therapy for the day:
Al Final De Este Viaje en El Mundo this morning in meditation. I first came to know this song from a fellow Costa Rican camper at Playa Grande many many young moons ago....
This is a type of Spiritual Spanish Lesson.
Here goes my attempt to translate this...I hope my Spanish Speaking friends will chime in on of the subtleties and facets of translating Silvio Rodriguez's poetry.
Al Final de Este Viaje en el Mundo
Al final de este viaje en la vida quedarán
nuestros cuerpos hinchados de ir
a la muerte, al odio, al borde del mar.
Al final de este viaje en la vida quedará
nuestro rastro invitando a vivir.
Por lo menos por eso es que estoy aquí.
Somos prehistoria que tendrá el futuro,
somos los anales remotos del hombre.
Estos años son el pasado del cielo;
estos años son cierta agilidad
con que el sol te dibuja en el porvenir,
son la verdad o el fin, son Dios.
Quedamos los que puedan sonreír
en medio de la muerte, en plena luz.
Al final de este viaje en la vida quedará
una cura de tiempo y amor,
una gasa que envuelva un viejo dolor.
Al final de este viaje en la vida quedarán
nuestros cuerpos tendidos al sol
como sábanas blancas después del amor.
Al final del viaje está el horizonte,
al final del viaje partiremos de nuevo,
al final del viaje comienza un camino,
otro buen camino que seguir
descalzos contando la arena.
Al final del viaje estamos tú y yo intactos.
Quedamos los que puedan sonreír
en medio de la muerte, en plena luz.
At the end of this life journey our bodies will remain bursting to go
to the death, to the hate, on the brink of madness the sea.
At the end of this life journey, there will be our sign inviting us to live.
At least that's why I am here.
We are prehistory that will have the future,
we are the remote annals of the man.
These years are heaven's past.
These years are certain agility with which the sun draws the future,
They are the truth or the end, They are God.
We are those that can smile in the middle of death, in the heat of light.
At the end of this trip in the life there will be
one cure of time and love,
a gauze that surrounds an old pain.
At the end of this trip in the life
our bodies will be tended by the sun
like white sheets after love making.
At the end of the trip iis the horizon,
at the end of the trip we will start off again,
at the end of the trip a way begins,
another good path to follow barefoot counting the sand.
At the end of the journey, we are, you and I intact
We remain those that can smile in the middle of the death, in the bright light.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Home for Hospice
In the life swell of the past months...I am posting events out of order. In an effort to get caught up...Grandma actually came home to hospice June 31..Her 75th birthday was July 21...So we have had lots of reason to celebrate her and love her. These photos were from her welcome home party.
Dancing for my Grandmother
Life is better than one could possibly ever imagine. This moment encapsulates everything that is sacred in life for me...It was with this dance performance that I truly realized how spiritual dance celebrates so many rites of passage in our lives. I am so honored and blessed with my Grandmother's life and I think she was honored and blessed as well. Happy Birthday Ruby Lou!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Gulls on the River
(c)jjleathermanI submitted 4 photos to the 34th annual Paducah Summer Festival Photo Contest. I've received good feedback from a few of them, so we shall see. I hope the juror sees something in the four different styles that i presented. I am wondering what that says about me (the 4 different styles)...if not searching for the particular aesthetic every time, but letting the aesthetic find me.
Lots is going on in my life right now. Dealing with my grandmother's dying process has been a gruelling one. I hope to trascend the mundane stuff of my self and focus on her in this time in her life. She wants me present with her more than I am willing to give while trying to parent my two little boys, being good mother, and wife. It is tough. Watching her die, I realize that I do not want to deny the inevitable and obvious realities of and in my own life. I do not want to trudge to death, I want to fly to death.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
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